8 February 2023

its 1am rn and im not rlly that tired.

ive been playing a lot of animal crossing pocket camp lately, it just feels too overwhelming to play new horizons right now, and im still dealing with burn out from when i played everyday for months when it first came out. its hard to get back into it.

i see other peoples sites and then i see mine and i feel sad, cus i feel like mine looks boring, but i think i should focus on making it fully functional before caring too much about the details. i also need to clean up this code because its a mess right now and its horrible to look at. im kinda just going with the flow for now, but its gonna make more of a mess for me to clean up later on, but ig thats on future me to deal with.

what else... i did some work for my dad today (technically yesterday) so i got some money out of that. i tend to hoard my money a lot, im always scared to spend it. maybe thats cus i dont have a job, so i dont have reliable income. im working up to getting a job, maybe one day. but i gotta focus on my mental health first since its hard for me to even exist in the real world.

building a website is hard, i probably would have given up if i didnt have a template. i wish i could just understand it. in theory i understand things, like i look at beginner courses and think "i already know that" but when it comes to actually doing it i feel like i dont know what im doing. and its so hard to search for such specific questions cus i never get the answers im looking for.

ive been crocheting a lot lately, ive made 2 beanies (black one and a white one), 2 sets of hand warmers (black one and a purple and white one) and a headband which i gave to my sister. im currently working on a pair of white hand warmers to match the beanie, a purple and white beanie to match the hand warmers (but i ran out of that specific yarn so its on hold for now) and a beanie with rainbow yarn thats really soft but super annoying to work with.

i need to get back into drawing more often. its hard to get back into drawing consistantly since i have just been doing a little doodle and then not drawing for another month, but i guess thats better than nothing. i have so many ideas of things to draw, but i just can never excecute them right. which means i should be doing studies, but i dont want to do studies. but i have no motivation to draw if i cant draw the things i want. so im just kinda stuck. hopefully ill get back into the grrove of things soon.

anyway, thats enough rambling from me, thanks for reading my friend :D

love, kai ☆